I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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