i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
