I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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