How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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