She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
