i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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