This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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