I want to have your abortion
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
