You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
