I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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