I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
