I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
please don't ironically join a cult
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