Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I fill condoms, not promises.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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