Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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