life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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