hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
