he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
