was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
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Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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