apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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