And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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