I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
