He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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