I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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