So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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