I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
