coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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