Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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