The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.