Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter