also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?