I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's always time for handjobs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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