Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped