Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead