What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
