my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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