i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
