I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
