she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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