I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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