Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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