hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize