Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
