I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
