He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
