how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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