Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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