bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
