The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize