At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize