This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(