It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood