he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.