Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize