True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
