His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
