If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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