He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
